On his 1st day of Day Care..I dressed him in a shirt with his name so they would know who he was....:)Today started a new chapter in the Tucker household. I started working for the Homewood Police Dept. temporarily and had to make the decision to put Rylan in daycare; my worst fear. We came across a real friendly day care not far from where I work (which was an added bonus.) I left Rylan there this morning feeling very incomplete. Rylan has been with me (or inside while I was pregnant with him) for a year now. I don't know what life is without him with me. I'm his mother. I see to his needs, I rock him, I sing to him, I feed him, I play with him, I cuddle with him, I laugh with him, I cry with him (mostly cause I'm pulling my hair out! LOL), I share in his most current milestone he has accomplished and SO much more, because I AM HIS MOM.
Butch and I both decided that I go to work temporarily for a couple of months and see how it goes. The hardest thing about this decision was not that I did not want to work. I love putting my hands to something and accomplishing and progressing. My main concern lied with the fact of my child being in the care of someone elses hands. I have lost sleep over it, I have cried over it, I have wondered what I could do different, I have tried to work my way around it...but I just couldn't. I ultimately had to put it in God's hands. If this is what He wanted, then I need to go for it. So anyway...here I went this morning...I left him in the care of strangers, whom I have known for a couple of days....and completely trusting what my pastor said in Rylan's dedication message " Rylan has a whole staff of angels just for him to protect him". My only peace came from that message. I wanted to call so many times to check on him but was afraid to hear him crying. I felt so horrible being away from him. He is basically an extension of me!! I barely made it through the day with enough brain to function. I said some of the craziest things, did some really stupid things and just had a plain "brainless Tuesday." My entire thought was about Rylan and what he was doing and if he was eating or playing...or crying. I called the day care center about 11:30 and they said he was doing great so that calmed my nerves a little bit. I just held onto the hope of knowing Butch was picking him up at 2:45. When Butch picked him up he called me and let me listen to Rylan's little coo's and told me that he was smiling and laughing. I was so relieved, but then I was just anxious to get home and spend time with him, cuddle him, kiss him, laugh with him, play with him and thank God he was safe! This was the hardest thing ever! I don't know how parents do this when their babies are only 6 weeks old! I have been suffering from separation anxiety all day....but tomorrow will be better, and then the next day, even better... God has him in His hands. Maybe I'll get some work done tomorrow and have a brain to do it with!
My spitter!
3 comments:
I can't even imagine how hard that must have been!! I really hope it gets easier for you! I bet rylan was so happy to see you.
Aww was it any better today?
No!!! I'm so sad...I think today (Thursday) is even worse than my first day. I have no idea how Mothers do this all the time; other than the fact that they have to. I can't say that I think it will get better cause at this point I don't see that happening. It's just something I have to do for right now. I'm hoping that maybe I can find someone at the church who can keep him if I start working more hours. I would feel more at ease if it was someone I knew that was keeping Rylan. Maybe it will work out.
Post a Comment